felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
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he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
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Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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