Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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