I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
