Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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