what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
