I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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