So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
