That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
