I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
