I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I wear drunk well.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
