Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
