"it" just moved
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
this is an emotional support booty call
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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