So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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