that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
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He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
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Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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