I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
