Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
