I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
