What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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