Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
