Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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