I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
