We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
