i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
