Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
