so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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