and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
