when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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