I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my being single is dangerous.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
