NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
