he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
