According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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