So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
