so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize