i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
