i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
