Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize