Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
