dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
