you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
