I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
