is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
