I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
