piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
