Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
