im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
