Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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