you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
