so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.