I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
