Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
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So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits