So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.