I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
