PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
kristin has been a bad kristin
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
