i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
