just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
