I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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