Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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