I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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