If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
