We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
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Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
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Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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