What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
