Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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