Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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