I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We need to rekindle our bromance
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
