Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
