dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
