every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
