i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
