remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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